Author's Note: This version of Rapunzel is a fabliau intended to be a lower-class parody of both the classic tale of Rapunzel and the Disney version “Tangled”. While fabliaux started as French, this was mostly inspired by Chaucer's "The Miller's Tale" chapter from The Canterbury Tales. Two important archetypes in a fabliau are sexually active women and foolish, cuckolded husbands, all of whom are “punished” in some way at the end. They also have a lot of bawdy humour and crude slang, so beware.
Rapunzel
There was a tiny town called Rived
In which a happy couple lived.
Though blacksmithing was the man’s trade,
Hardly any income he made.
For every day he drank his fill 5
Until he could not work the anvil.
Then joking he would take a break,
Fall fast asleep and hardly wake.
The woman laughed her life away,
Hiding affairs by light of day. 10
Their lack of wealth was no concern,
For she had ways with which to earn
From other men collections
In exchange for her affections.
Her blund’ring husband never guessed 15
Another’s wealth to her been blessed.
And so the two lived merrily,
Though quite extraordinarily.
The man: a blust’ring, drunken fool
And she: happy with their life to rule 20
Until one great problem interfered
With all their jolly atmosphere.
In time she found herself with child,
For all her exploits reconciled.
She riled and roared at the news; 25
Her other life she’d have to lose!
Her husband knew not what to do
During the fits of wrath she through.
Since this behaviour was so strange,
Was his darling wife deranged? 30
Was not a child a dream come true?
To help earn money as he grew?
“I want a child in this house
As much as I would want a mouse!
By God, by Jove, I want it out!” 35
The town around could hear her shout,
“What good would e’er a child do
When his own father has no clue;
Could never be a champion.
Now bring me an herb called rampion!” 40
He froze, stunned by her sudden rage
And not too eager to engage.
He stared straight in her stormy eyes,
Cow’ring before her angry cries.
Then whimpered under glow’ring gaze, 45
“My dear, my love, why all this craze?
While I may not be a champion —.”
“I ASKED FOR FUCKING RAMPION!”
He stumbled back. He could not fend.
He knew not how to comprehend. 50
“Rampion I’ve never heard of,
Do you mean something else, my love?”
“It’s a type of bellflower plant,”
She growled, breath like fire-ants,
Though ‘neath her glower, she was pleased 55
At this strange knowledge she’d conceived.
He fled the house to find the herb,
Though partially in fear of her.
Of a farm the townsfolk told him
That did grow the herb in question. 60
Owned by an old lady whose spouse
Had died and she took over the house.
Gothel was this widow’s name,
And to her farm this poor man came.
“Please, ma’am, I was told of an herb, 65
Of which you own the most superb.
Some rampion my wife requires
And without it, I fear hellfire.”
But when Gothel named the price he cried.
’Twas far more than he could e’er provide, 70
But Gothel understood his pain
And made a deal for both their gain:
“One handful you can have for free,
But any more is twice the fee.”
Delightedly he took the deal 75
And brought the herbs for his wife’s meal.
They soon discovered its foul taste;
Bitter, biting, swallowed in haste.
Yet sooner would she kiss a snake,
Then e’er admit to her mistake. 80
She smiled and forced a pleasant sigh.
Sent her husband again to buy
This foul herb they both deplored
And (greater still) could not afford.
With no money, he did appeal 85
To Gothel with a brand new deal.
Age 10, Gothel could have the child
Till all the debts were reconciled.
Gothel agreed to this deal too,
For she needed a summer crew 90
To harvest crops and work the land
And save money on the farmhands.
Day after day, he bought more greens
Along with peppers, corn and beans,
Racking up considerable debt 95
For which his child would pay by sweat.
Eventually the child was born.
From a peaceful womb, cruelly torn.
Instant rejection the child faced,
Since both the parents were disgraced. 100
For though her parents’ hairs were blonde
Young ebony curls brightly shone
And, after months, intensified.
Yet still the mother further lied:
“The wood stove was too hot for me,” 105
She mourned the loss, explaining “See,
Look how it has burned our daughter,
Turned her hair black as an otter.”
Though instantly the husband thought
Of the dark-haired man his wife had taught 110
To read and write for near a year,
He instantly shut out these fears.
He agreed the child had been scorched
And any other theory torched.
This child who suffered long was named 115
Rapunzel, who was often shamed.
For her mother desired no kid
And from her father’s drinking hid.
She was in such misery when
Ten years later, Gothel showed again. 120
When Gothel saw the child, she knew
It was poor, abused Rapunzel who
Would come to help her on her farm
And ne’er return to this home of harm.
Since Gothel had her husband die, 125
She cared for loss of family ties
And craved return of this connection.
She’d give the child love and affection.
Rapunzel packed her things to go
Eager to go where she did not know. 130
Leaving, her parents did not plead,
For she’d be one less mouth to feed.
In fact, they did not call for years,
Promptly forgot without a tear.
Into a woman their daughter grew 135
Under the care of the kind, old shrew.
Now despite the pity Gothel showed,
Rapunzel’s lifestyle did corrode.
So unused to outdoor living,
She was cause for great misgivings. 140
Gothel’s focused, hands-on teaching
Never to Rapunzel reaching.
For eight long years she slacked and sighed,
Ignoring Gothel’s well-meant chides.
She also loved to brush her hair, 145
Grow it long and soft with care.
Gothel loved to see her happy,
But for farm work, this was crappy.
One cannot work in sweat and hay
With mounds of hair all in the way. 150
But she refused to cut it short
And always sought for ways to thwart
Her daily chores by hiding in
The grain silo, drinking gin
And brushing tangles from her hair. 155
Often a man would join her there,
To the top of her silo he’d glide
And fulfill her wishes inside.
If the silo was not hot enough,
Imagine their actions in the buff! 160
All this poor Gothel put up with,
But one day returned the blacksmith.
Older now, Rapunzel could work.
He thought she would be his shop clerk.
But in his face his daughter spat, 165
“I’ll never live with you, you rat!”
Then Gothel kicked him off the land
And from returning he was banned.
For she ensured that on her farm
Her lazy Rapunzel would not be harmed. 170
Rapunzel’s parents could not take
“No” for an answer so they made
A floating lantern light the sky
And hoped their child would hear their cry.
“Just one lantern?” a neighbour asked, 175
“‘It’d be a miracle if she saw that.”
Rapunzel’s parents saw this fact;
The lantern was too small an act.
They needed something bigger so
Rapunzel could see from her window. 180
Their conclusion seemed quite sensible;
Not slightly reprehensible.
What could seem more rationalist?
They became local arsonists.
They watched the first house burning down, 185
Then next month burnt another in town.
Mastering incineration,
They came to the realization
Their daughter still would not return
Heedless of how many they burned. 190
They needed something closer still,
That she could see from her windowsill.
Meanwhile, Rapunzel was the same
As she was before her parents’ flames.
Up in her silo passing time, 195
Aroused when boys could make the climb.
One day, young Colin trotted by
Upon his Clydesdale sitting high.
He dismounted and climbed the tower
Then was greeted with a glower! 200
“Wait a minute, I’m almost done,”
For brushing her hair she’d just begun.
“Oh come on, you’ll take forever,”
Colin pondered his endeavor.
But he was so committed he’d wait 205
Until her knotty hair was straight.
When she turned and smiled wryly,
He ran to satisfy her highly.
An hour later, they were done
All wet and sweaty from their fun. 210
“Sorry I took so long to finish.”
His fulfillment not diminished,
He said “It’s fine, I’ll come again
At any time; just tell me when.”
Suddenly Rapunzel cried out 215
And frantically began to shout,
“Do you smell that? I think it’s smoke!”
And presently began to choke.
Colin did smell the sulphur there
And ran fast over to the stairs. 220
But a blast of heat pushed him back
To where Rapunzel sat and gasped,
“There’s a fire and we can’t get down!”
The last she saw was Colin’s frown. 225
“Was that a scream?” her mother cried,
Running around the silo’s side,
The torch still blazing in her hand.
“Nonsense,” responded her husband,
“This silo’s full of grain and hay,
It must have been a passing jay.” 230
“STOP! STOP NOW! RAPUNZEL’S IN THERE!”
Gothel’s shouting filled the air.
Too late she came, the fire glowed
Down fell Rapunzel’s safe abode.
Inside, her dark hair charred straight black; 235
Outside, Gothel's sobbing body wracked.
But while her mother stood and gawked,
Her father fell and cried in shock,
“From whence she came, so she returned!”
The conscience of her mother burned. 240
